Charlie II

Well, this is very different . I agree with the other in the fact that your style is very fluid. It dances on the page and it's nice to listen ...

What do I think? A lot better than your other works. This shows how far you've come as a writer since you wrote your first few posts. This is brilliant. ...

Nice for a first piece of work. I've always struggled to use anything that's already there to make a story so I'm interested to see how this all turns out. ...

Hello, critique time: The bird spread its wings and flew. Love the first sentence, it's short, it's sweet and it drops us nicely into an interesting bit! Although, you already ...

Oh very nice! Mysterious, interesting and chilling. Of course :wink: , I do have a few comments: She toyed around with it, placing it on the desk before her, putting ...

Wow, I like this! I remember reading your prologue bit before. If I haven't already critiqued that, I'll do that next. Just a few things: “Let me sleep, Pier … ...

To begin with, next time you post a chapter/story/piece, please double space your paragraphs. If you've transferred it from a word processing program which has tabs and stuff in it, ...

Very good, I can second what most of the others have said but I have one other main point of my own: Exaggeration. My body fell slowly, but my stomach ...

Wow, you have definate style! It's a very good piece of writing. Just a few points: She was lucky that she had got up before everyone else because normally she ...

Good plot, I like the ideas and ways that your characters very matter of factly go about their lives. Just a few points: “What do we do, Uncle?” he asked ...

Erm, for the books, you need to use 'an' instead of 'a' in your last line. and a annoying poem!!!! Also, ration the exclaimation point. They're so overused :? . ...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Prologue Critique -------------------------------------------------------------

Lol, it's refreshing to read something different like this :) . Just a few points: “Oh yeah, sure,” she said, wearing an all-knowing expression that made the usually peaceful Sasha ...

Ok, to begin with, please double space the paragraphs. This is done by hitting the 'enter' key after ever new paragraph which puts an extra space between lines. For example, ...

Oooook, here comes the in-depth one: Its peak was the highest point for many miles in all directions, offering unrivalled views of its surrounds , but the hill had few ...